Speeches - Wedding Night, Cap Lazare

 

 

Alan Kenna:- Our Master of Ceremony

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Paddy Kenna:- Our Dad

 

I just want to thank you all for coming today. Hope you have a good time.

 

I gave Garth plenty of warning so he could leave but he decided to stay - fool! 

Enjoy yourselves and hope to see you all back shortly for Alan & Emma's wedding.

 

Thank you.

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Briony Williamson & Cally Michel:-  Our sisters

 

SECTION: INTRO (CALLY)

Hello everyone,

For those of you who don’t know us, we’re Briony and Caroline – Garth’s younger sisters, and Rachel’s (now) sister-in-law! On their behalf, we of course want to thank you all for being here, but we’d also like to take the time, and we believe we speak for everyone here – when we say thank YOU Garth and Rachel for the opportunity to come to such an amazing place; for organising such an amazing wedding, in such an idyllic location, and for allowing us to share in such a special moment in your lives. We know first-hand the time, energy and most probably blood, sweat and tears, that has gone into making this a perfect night for everyone and we truly appreciate it.

Secondly, thank you for the opportunity to speak at your wedding. We are honoured to be asked and delighted to say a few words tonight as your sisters.

 

Last year, I had the honour of Garth giving me away at my wedding. Perhaps this is an old-fashioned tradition for some people, but for me it marked the end of a chapter where for so many years Garth protected me, loved me and guided me in the role of father-figure. And today, it brings me so much happiness to stand beside you, as your sister, and celebrate the beginning of a new chapter for you: the beginning of your own family and so many well-deserved adventures to come.

As your sister, I have always admired your determination and motivation to succeed in everything you do. And I think it’s safe to say, after all those years of practice - Rachel is the ultimate slam dunk! Not only have you taught me so much from basketball to how to tell the time, but now you have thrown yourself wholeheartedly into the role of Uncle to Mila - teaching her high 5’s, pound dogs and thumbs up, dancing and tea parties but above all, the precious way you talk to her, hold her or laugh with her. She’s a very lucky girl, as am I to be your sister - and as is Rachel to call you her husband.

 

 

SECTION: MIDDLE (BRIONY)

For everyone who knows Garth I am sure you will agree that he is one of the most fun people to be around. He is often the life of the party and can turn - and in fact will turn - anything into some kind of game or adventure given the chance - which makes life so much more fun.

 

One little story which I think helps explain more about this side of Garth is that when we were growing up, after we’d gone to bed, he used to go into our play room and set up elaborate scenes  to make it look like the toys and barbies had come to life during the night  with barbies abseiling down the cupboard and cabbage patch kids having tea parties. It was magical to wake up to. I remember telling my friend at school the next day, honestly thinking that the toys had come alive. To this day he has never really admitted that he did this - so it could still be true. He also has a great sense of humour - which I’m sure you all know. Granted, a lot of his jokes will probably revolve around Arrested Development, luckily I’ve watched the show once or twice, but don’t worry Rachel, there’s still plenty of time to watch it. People just want to be around Garth and it’s a testament to him that so many great friends have travelled to this tropical island to be here today.

 

He is also incredibly creative….especially when it comes to his obsessive love of spices and weird and wonderful recipe concoctions, which he insists are brilliant, such as scones with smarties and marshmallows. But actually his chilli jam is pretty damn good. 

But above all, Garth is an incredibly supportive and sensitive brother, son, uncle, friend and now husband. He will be there for you, as I’m sure he has been there for many of us in a heart-beat, offering words of wisdom, compassionate listening and one of the best hugs around.

People may not realise that none of us actually met Rachel for almost 2 years. But one of our first adventures together was a trip to Bali for Garth’s 40th. This was an absolutely amazing time to share together.

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You have experienced so many adventures together, from Cuba, Mexico, Morocco, France, Greece, Ireland, and now Seychelles and Sri lanka and I’m sure there will be many more adventures to come. And I’m sure Rachel has plenty more weird and wonderful reasons why she loves you that she could add to this list. Which of course brings us to one of the many reasons why we love her.

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Rachel you are one of the kindest people we know. Everyone can see there is a deep love, care and friendship between you. Your hearts are as big as each others and are meant to be together. We are so happy to welcome you into our family and to gain another sister.

 

SECTION CLOSE: CALLY

 

Rachel, (sis) you have fitted into our family from day 1 - and that in itself deserves a diamond ring believe me! You are kind, loving, patient, laid-back and willing to laugh at Garth’s jokes – the perfect match!

There is an easiness about seeing you both together, the chemistry between you and the respect you show each other that leaves no doubt you will both enjoy the ride together, but also face any of life’s challenges as true partners, and true friends.

Together with mum, we wish you a lifetime of happiness. No doubt, it will be full of adventure, and we can’t wait to continue to be a part of it all - wherever next it takes us in the world!

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BOTH:

Thank you and cheers to Garth and Rachel Williamson!

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Brooke Bergeron:-  Our Bridesmaid

Hello for those of you who do not know me I am Brooke Bergeron one of Rachel's longtime friend from Sydney. 

 

I am so privileged to be here to celebrate this day with our stunning bride Rachel and groom garth (look at that face).

 

Today is a tremendous moment in their lives and it is so special to share this day with them along with their entire family and closest friends from near and far at this beautiful location….. This truly speaks of how special both Rach and Garth are to have so many wonderful people here celebrating their big day..... And a big thanks to Garth for his fabulous website, we wouldn’t have all made it here today without it. Maybe those who were unable to join did not read the website (haha/jokes!)

 

Rachel and I met when we worked at the same company in Australia about ~8yrs ago and part of an expat community I may have crashed her Halloween party…we were also fellow fire wardens on the floor at work is where it all began.....

 

Strolling down those fire stairs wells breaking all the rules- holding our coffees, wearing high heels, refusing to wear those dirty helmets walking single file.  We became best friends who share a special bond of similar experiences living far from home and from our closest friends and family, we became each other's family in Sydney.

 

Rach is truly one of the most important and special people in my life.  I am so proud of her and I couldn't have asked for a better friend to make in Sydney. 

 

We share a amazing friendship being there to support each other in good times and bad (from bad bosses, challenging times at work, boy problems but also we there to celebrate great times together and big life moments like citizenship, new jobs, engagements.  Always having a laugh and so much fun- alot of fun!  You can imagine the trouble we got into when we only lived a block over from each other!!

 

This leprechaun no doubt welcomed me to her Halloween parties’ hoola hooping the night away, who knew it would turn into the endless nights of…

• Conference calls,

• Ciders at PJ Obrien’s,

• Pyrmont bridge hotel,

• Skydives,

• Monday night pub night at the local- drink bottles of rose,

• late nights at the casino and banana moments,

• PBH,

• Random Zumba classes,  

• Random camping trips to wine country ,

• NYE celebrations,

• Hanging with each other's fam when they visit from abroad

• and more late nights at the local, casino and did i say the pbh!?

 

Speaking of the PBH I’d like to share how Rach and Garth met……

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There may be a few versions of this story with minor differences (such as the time the events actually occurred)

• Garth was at pbh after a date enjoying a drink before he went home.  He was just staring at the tv watching sports, prob had the final countdown on repeat to annoy Sammy the bar mgr (who couldn’t be here today)

• An Irish guy sat next to him and started chatting with garth as he thinks garth is really watching the game

• Rachel and Adel (her Irish bestie) were at the pub and saw garth across the bar and eventually made their way over to chat to garth and unknown Irish guy

• Garth a bit uninterested in these leprechauns but being polite indulged them in some of his charm and conversation. Eventually the Rach and Adel left to go home.

• Roughly around 10pm/2am (again debatable) Rach calls the pub to ask to speak to her brother- she describe where he was sitting and what he as was wearing (sammy mgr answers) and hand the phone over to Garth

• Rach then invites Garth to her bbq that she is holding at hers on the weekend.  (Mind you Rach doesn’t even own a bbq- and there was no party planned)

• He says yes but actually didn’t know which Irish girl he was actually talking to and invited him.

• Both Rach and Adel caught up with Garth that weekend back at the pbh (no bbq) – and a little unsure which girl it was that called him

• As luck turns out it was the one he was hoping for sitting next to him today!!

 

As many of us may know the pbh has and always will have a special place in their hearts where endless rum and cokes will be drank and the final countdown on repeat-  Sammy will remain to appear unimpressed - this story is the now the legacy of this couple and will still remain the final stop for any late night out with this couple! .

 

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Rachel glows when she walks into a room, she is beautiful and the friendliest, loving, welcoming person anyone could meet.  There isn’t a friend or family member that I have that has met her that does not make a comment about how lovely she is and want to be in her presence…..though I may need to apologize for a few of them!! Haha (Kim)

 

This is a true reflection from her loving parents (ma Angela and da Paddy Kenna) who have raised this gorgeous girl.  She has also learned stamina for late nights as well and passing that onto me…HAHA  (joke to Paddy-i've got my adoption papers back at the hotel ready to be signed!)

 

Rach and i always talked of creating a reality show or writing book of our adventurous and we think we have a funny life (ya know like ‘sex in Sydney’ or a version of ‘He’s just not that into you’ type books/movies) and we had more fun laughing and creating titles and ideas for what the chapters would be and the funny stories we'd tell since we were so wise…....it would be about us, the fun times and our relationships and work……..One of them may have contained a chapter on how to pick up a guy at the bar. Haha

 

Every moment I spend with Rachel is cherished, appreciated and nothing but a funnier time than last!!! 

 

 I am honored to not only be here to witness this commitment and new beginning between Rach and Garth but also a new chapter to our book…..We always waited for this moment…....the final countdown is here. Let’s make a toast to the next chapter as the force is strong between you too!!!!

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Scotty Kerr, Demitri Allayialis & Toby Noble:-  The Boys

Scotty:

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Good evening ladies and gentlemen I'm Scotty, one of the Groomsmen. Traditionally I would've passed on thanks to the bridesmaids, the family in terms of the parents but tonight I'm actually going to focus on the couple Garth & Rachel. 

Firstly tonight is the best wedding I've ever been to in my life and that's because you guys have both put a lot of heart and effort into making it a very special holiday for all of us. I thank you for all you have done. None of us would be here tonight in such a magnificent place if it wasn't for you so all my thanks is to you. So you're welcome and thank you. 

Secondly I changed my career about 8 years ago which became stressful and a little bit of heart-ache for me which took some effort. As part of this I would pull into Sydney every now and again and my home away from home would be with you. I would see Garth and Toby and, in the latter years, Rachel. They were my friends, my family and they would listen to everything from me on what was going on. They would listen to me bitch and moan and were really my family when I didn't have my family around so I thank you for that. I wouldn't be able to do what I do now of course without you so thank you again very much. 

Before I hand over to Da meat-tray (Dimitri), I was told a long time ago that the true measure of a person, and indeed for the couple tonight, and their true wealth is in the company they keep. Looking around here tonight, Garth and Rachel you are the richest people I know. You have a beautiful family, wonderful friends and by this measure very wealthy. Everyone loves you so congratulations and thank you very much. 

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Dem:

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Wow. What a turn out to Garth's Wedding and have to say what a great bunch of people.

But how could I think Garth and Rachel would associate with anything but great people as they are most awesome.

 

Apart from being awesome, When I think of Garth and who Garth is I think of big strong guy, healthy and fit, smart and witty, organised, respectful to all, a leader, the Yoda to my Luke. The batman to Tobys Robin, I think of the big Lebowksi, swingers, the final countdown, bang and snap, giving a 110%. 

 

Why he is the Yoda to my Luke. I met Garth in 2001. I was 19 years old and turned up in Townsville. Garth was there to greet me. I thought he was a young university professor. He wasn't but he was my tutor and my teacher in the ways of uni life. In some ways he molded me so anything I do wrong tonight, blame Garth.

 

Unfortunately he let me down once. He let in a bunch of big mean guys into my uni room to Shave my head. One was the Incredible Hulk  Captain Fucking Scotty Kerr.

 

He is the ultimate last man standing! In more ways than one. It's hard to recall crazy stuff with Garth because I was always way more drunk then him. I tried to pace myself, throw shots over my shoulder. Spit it out. Drink water. Train myself. Nothing availed or worked. He always was last man standing. And he has been with our group of friends anyways one of the last men standing in marriage.

 

Garth I believed would be the eternal bachelor. I thought maybe he had a fear of commitment. And fear is a path to the dark side. His expectations of a girl were always very high. A mythical creature this girl would have been. A unicorn.

 

And then he met Rachel. Who exceeded all expectations.

 

Lastly, Garth...adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things. Marriage is about compromise and putting your wife and family first. Being right is not always the right thing to do. You need to be like water. Sure you will ace it like everything else you do.

 

God Bless you Mun.

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Tobes:

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I think you’ll all agree this has already been a spectacular day. Garth and Rachel’s preparation has been meticulous, and nothing has been left to chance. Garth even prepared a spreadsheet listing the probability of attendance for each guest. Although he did have Rachel down as 100%. - which I thought was a little bit presumptuous.

 

Now I’ve known Garth for over 12 years and was his flatmate for 11 of those but I was truly honoured when he asked me to join Scotty and Dem as his groomsmen. It is with some trepidation that I accepted the role, aware of the faith and trust that Garth was placing in me. All of which left me with the dilemma....Do I take the easy route and destroy Garth’s reputation amongst his nearest and dearest, or do I take the high moral ground and only sing his praises? … I of course chose to try the option of character assassination. But what quickly became apparently was that very few people actually have any dirt on Garth. It seems through his ability to drink most of us under the table, his general secretive nature and the fact that he is often the one encouraging others to do something ridiculous, that he often manages to avoid being in the spotlight. He was always there when the craziness happened, but was rarely the one being embarrassed.

 

So what can I tell you about Garth. Well, for someone getting married in his early(ish) 40s, Garth is a surprisingly committed individual.

It may come as a surprise to many that despite always being the first to offer to buy a round, and the lavishness of this very wedding, that Garth used to have rather tight pockets. For example...

• He once crashed his white Toyota Celica and it was declared a write off, but he continued to drive it for two years uninsured, with a fetching black bonnet, just to save some dollars.

• Rumour has it he used to pick-up random taxi receipts he found on the floor at the airport, so he could claim them back on his tax return.

• And he even used to join the golf course at the second tee so he could avoid paying the green fees.

 

Another example of Garth’s committed nature is towards a certain song... The 80s classic, the Final Countdown. And for a time it was common practice for him to put $20 or more in the jukebox at his favourite pub, the PBH, and request the song ten or more times in succession. You could see the glee on his face as other patrons would groan after the song would come on for the third or fourth time while Garth played air guitar to the chorus. This practice was soon thwarted however, when they actually bothered to install a skip button behind the bar, purely to prevent Garth’s mischievous behaviour. Now I think we all know of Garth’s commitment to catch phrases & Puns: Awesome, May the Force Be With You, I’m Well Jell, Doneski, Rum-time and various pirate speak are common practice, as of course is his favourite replacement for the word cheers “Bang”.

 

Garth has also displayed commitment to his own very unique sense of fashion. From the early days of his shaved head and wrap around Oakleys, to growing his hair long (presumably to make his head look bigger). From his cow hide Moo Shoes to his blister educing cowboy boots. Garth’s fashion sense has been all his own.

 

Then we have Garth’s commitment to the mystic arts – the ways of the Force ...and being a Ninja. Yes, Garth’s passion for Star Wars has lasted many years and even survived the dodgy prequels and I’m delighted to say that his wish of becoming a Wookie was finally granted on his Bucks weekend. But his Ninja exploits were rather more short-lived. For those that don’t know, Garth took up Ninjitsu Martial Arts lessons a number of years ago and it wasn’t long before he was sporting black robes and a long staff, ducking and weaving out of the shadows and returning frequently from his training sessions with an array of bruises and injuries.   

This didn’t thwart his enthusiasm however and he proudly adopted the alias of “Ninja G”, so much so that this was often sported on his official name badges at his Microsoft work events. Carefully constructed cardboard throwing stars also started appearing in concealed locations around our apartment, I’m assuming in case of sudden samurai invasion. Sadly however a ninja related injury soon put him out of action and Garth had to part ways with his ninja brethren, but even though that was some years ago, he hasn’t quite been able to let go of his ninja alias! Garth’s commitment to his mates I think is apparent by the number of them who have traveled to be here today. Garth is the mate you can always count on, both for good times and when you really need him. I know from a personal note, we lived together for over 11 years with barely an argument and you definitely made my time in Australia as good as it was, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

 

It’s nice to see however that Rachel shares similar dedication - and this became apparent at the very start of our hosts relationship together.

 

Now Brooke has already told you of Rachel’s – some might say – stalkerish attempts of first catching her husband’s eye, but my first encounter with our lovely bride was a – let’s keep it unspecified - time later, when she had her first sleep-over at our apartment. It was the next morning and Rachel had woken up early to initiate the walk-of-shame home, hoping to avoid Garth’s flatmate (me) who she was yet to meet. 

 

So there is Rachel, tip-toeing barefoot with heels in hand as she made her way down our stairs. At the bottom she saw our front door and with her eyes on the prize of a clean escape, she didn’t notice me sat in the lounge waving with a big grin as she stalked over and then desperately, but unsuccessfully, tried every lock and handle combination to get out. Eventually I took pity on here and called out “its locked” and soon Garth came down the stairs, like a hung-over, sleep deprived gallant knight to drive her home. He obviously had realised from the start that this was the girl he wasn’t going to let get away from him.

 

Yet, I think we can all agree that Garth and Rachel’s greatest passion and commitment is for each other. They are so obviously perfectly suited to one another, from their love of exotic travel locations, to treasuring the company of their friends and family, to enjoying the craic, they really are the ideal match.

 

So to my best mates Garth and Rachel.I hope after all the craziness of planning this wonderful occasion, that you’ve actually had the chance to relax and enjoy the day. And as you go through life together, always love each other, respect each other and be there for each other. Never forget to say sorry when you’ve messed up (Garth), and (Rachel) never go to bed angry with what Garth did, should have done, said or didn’t say.

 

And now, if you’d all like to charge your glasses and be upstanding.

 

Here’s to a lifetime ahead of precious memories. The final countdown to your new future as Mr and Mrs Williamson is over. We all look forward to the imminent change of your Facebook relationship status. And as much as it pains me to say it, just this once, instead of “cheers” or “to the newlyweds”, I’d like to say ....“Bang!”

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